New York - December 16, 2002

Boys Won't Cry

Holiday Gifts for Guys

Who said “It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than to find a good present for a guy”? Santa Claus, probably. Well, we’ve got suggestions for your dudes, esquires, cads, uncles, and dads.

For the Housework-Averse Bachelor
Dude doesn’t know his dust mop from his dish drain. The Roomba is a self-navigating robotic vacuum cleaner with sensors to keep it from bumping into furniture and walls. It even turns itself off when done. (Kinda like him.)

For the Vinyl Hound
He loves his LPs, collects 8-tracks, and is still making you mix tapes. (Awww.) Vintage stereo gear will add immeasurale slickness to his surroundings. And what better way to enjoy his new equipment than with some old-school records?

For the Gym Dandy
He’s the sporting type of the old-world variety (read: He cringes at the word Crunch). Tumi’s gym bag will ensure that he gets to his workout in sophisticated style.

For the Couch Potato
Okay, so he’s a lazy good-for-nothing (but you love him so dearly!). Perhaps it’s time for a more subtle approach. Appeal to his more sensitive half with Songbook, a new collection of essays by Nick Hornby (practically the only author the dude will read). Too much of a stretch? Let him stay on the couch and play master of the universe with an Invoca voice-controlled remote.

For the Man Who Likes To Watch
Sports, that is. (Ya big ol’ smutbrain.) Go the PG-13 route with NBA tickets.

For the Wayne Gretzky Wanna-be
Book late-night rink time at Chelsea Piers for him and his pallies to whack a puck around. And let him impress all his friends with a pair of skates from Nike.

For the Anglophile
Sick of hearing about his work woes? Show him it’s worse (and funnier) across the pond. The Office is the most hysterical show on British telly.

For the Distinguished Gent
The bloke’s got style, and he’s not afraid to show it (especially in the bedroom). Why not a set of cozy cotton PJ’s?

For the Not-So-Distinguished Gent
Nothing says “I love you” to the puerile man-boy in your life like the three-disc, 42-episode Best of Beavis and Butt-Head collection. Features such classics as “Troubled Youth,” “Chicks N’ Stuff,” and the unforgettable “Butt-o-ween.”

For the Square Peg
Always just a bit off the beaten path. He probably likes his eggs that way, too. In which case, he needs an egg cuber (scroll right to see it). Just drop in a hard-boiled egg in, screw the top, and soon he’s got an honest-to-goodness freak of nature. (Available at Troy, 138 Greene Street, between Houston and Prince Streets, 888-941-4777.)

For the Darling Who’s Just Dying to Make You Breakfast in Bed
Let him eat the weird-looking square egg. You’ll have the Belgian waffles.

For the Guy of Your Dreams
Why should chicks be the only ones to get flowers? Trust us — men love it too. (And it makes them feel studly around their coworkers.) Send a bouquet with meaning: yellow chrysanthemums are the flower of the secret admirer; yellow tulips signal hopelessly in love; red roses are, well, red roses.

For the Multitasking James Bond Wanna-be
Aiptek’s Mini PenCam is the smallest digital camera, camcorder, and Web cam around. Not that this will get him any closer to Halle Berry, but a guy can dream.