New York - March 17, 2004

Absolutely Flabulous

Anti-Cellulite Sneakers

Why would anyone strap nasty poly-blend bricks onto their feet? Because they’re Anti-Cellulite Sneakers.

When did dropping the pumpkin muffin and doing leg presses take a backseat to miracle creams and bionic footwear? Right. Never mind: Cellulite is hereditary, and we could all use a little help. So desperate times call for desperate dressing?

Guess so. Bliss Spa founder Marcia Kilgore spotted these alleged miracle shoes in the U.K. and brought them home. One look at them might send you running (actually not a bad flab-reduction strategy), but a British test showed a 50 percent reduction in cellulite after just one month. Apparently the sneaks help strengthen and engage muscles that aren’t normally used, improve balance and posture, and reduce varicose veins and spongy fat dimples. Just by trotting about town as usual.

The catch: These beauties cost $234 a pop and they’re on back order till April.

But you can join the waitlist. It’ll take you that long to come up with a brilliant lie about how your kicks are all the rage in Tokyo.

Available online at blissworld.com.