New York - January 24, 2007

Ho Hump Day

Make It Through the Worst Week of the Year

According to psychologists in the UK, levels of misery officially peak this week.*

You’re broken hearted, broke as a joke, and kicking yourself for broken resolutions. Help is here.

Need an image boost? Um, take down the Friendster page. While you’re at it, get a membership to ReputationDefender, which will search and destroy any slanderous info floating around the web.

Day job, schmay job. Sign up for Career Reinvention BootCamp. Meet in person once and download follow-up classes to your MP3 player. Register online for a session this Saturday (330 West 38th Street, suite 1403; 800-928-1874).

Get your fill for pocket change: five-for-a-dollar dumplings (Dumpling House, 118a Eldridge Street; 212-625-8008), two-buck tuna-stuffed Japanese rice balls (Oms/B, 156 East 45th Street; 212-922-9788), Evalia’s homemade tamales and hot chocolate — worth the trek to Spanish Harlem (corner of Third Avenue, at 116th Street).

Be realistic. Sloppy drunkenness (“why, hello, free cocktail!”) won’t get you any action. But if you do manage to get laid in the near future, keep an eye out for specially designed NYC Condoms, which will be distributed free around the city soon.

Light’s been sucked out of your life? Tobias Wong’s Sun Jar stores sunshine during the day and illuminates on its own at night. Extra points for saving energy.

And there it is. Light at the end of the tunnel.

*Based on the following formula: Crap Weather + (Monthly Salary-Debt) x (Holiday Lows x Resolutions Broken) / (Low Motivation x Need to Take Action)