Situation: dinner guests. Like, tonight. Status: To you, “deglaze” is how you eat a donut, and “roux” denotes a small marsupial. Solution: a recipe requiring nary a cooking skill, pot, or pan — a.k.a. The Portable Chef. Chef Chip Desormeaux (bless him) will come to your home, ready to cook anything and everything you’ll need for an impressive evening. Standard service includes any number of courses (high-low specialties like seared rack of lamb and old-fashioned Cajun gumbo continue to amaze), beverage refills (he can bring them or you can provide), and (our personal fave) a spotless kitchen before he departs. Bonus: He’ll cater to whatever diet plan you and your cronies are following these days. Which, we assume, means that you’ll get to keep all the leftovers. The Portable Chef (678-480-4973 or ezchef.net/theportablechef).