That last desperate encounter with a mall makeup “expert” left you with more than a melty, smudgy, clown face. You made The Blotter. But there’s good news: Makeup artist Crystal J. makes house calls. (You’ll recognize her hair and face work from local city glossies — and a few in Miami, Chicago, and NYC, as well.) She’s been freelancing full-time for a year, but now that she’s no longer affiliated with a particular cosmetic brand (which shall remain nameless) this Miss J. is open for business at your place — or anywhere in the metro area, for that matter — with a pro arsenal stocked with Stila, NARS, and lesser-known Make Up For Ever (according to her, a great pick for preserving your skin). Crystal’s got an industry rep for accommodating emergency cases, and she’s happy to take inspiration from your own stash when creating your finished look. We do suggest, though, that you book at least one week in advance. Because, at this point, you wouldn’t want to push your luck. Crystal J. (404-423-3360 or crystaljmakeup.com).