Command Center: Radio, we’ve got a Camping Casper on a tanning bed. There’s no hope for this alabaster keister. Send reinforcements, pronto.
Radio: Sit tight. Sunset Mist special spray tan agent Paige Cummings arriving soon to your location. She can be at your home or office with as little as five hours’ notice.
CC: Ready the pop-up indoor tent and disposable furnishings to cover the, er, underbrush. Take the pleasant-smelling spray mist in three shades — light, medium, and beach-native “tropic thunder.” Cummings selects and concentrates them to enhance natural skin tones, drying as she goes to keep sticky situations at bay.
Radio: Word is that the golden bronzer kicks in instantly, but the real tan develops with skin chemistry over the next half day or so. So that’s a sun-kissed, seven-day glow, healthier tanning tactics, and no citations for premature aging.
And that’s a ten-four, Golden Goddess.
Sunset Mist (404-502-7478 or sunsetmist.com).
Photo: George Marks / Getty Images