Polyester, granny panties, and no tomatoes. You’d think the world would have gotten your pet peeves memo by now.

Still. There you sit, eating a soggy-ass Roquefort with your cheapie unmentionables riding high.

Today’s your lucky day, because Phoenix Bespoke ...

For you, getting the hookup comes down to a few simple rules. Not cruising Underground looking for a Chanel “eyewear distributor” named Leroy? Definitely one of the rules.

Not far behind: hawk-eyeing Boutiques Direct.

If eBay and Shopbop had a ...

Note to self: When someone asks, “Is that getup homemade?” it’s not a compliment. Not even at this costumey time of year.

But if you’re designer Vanessa Vinci, you have something to smile about. Namely, your new clothing collection.

The AIU ...

Oh, quit your belly aching.

DO
Creative Cause
What: Shiami Doors samples, Barkology goods, drinks, and live jams to benefit Keep a Child Alive and Aid Atlanta.
Why: Party with a purpose.
When: Thurs., 5-11 p.m.
Where: Lambert Place

When it comes to relationships, you’re more taker than giver. You’ve co-opted two kick-ass watches, stole sweatpants from under his nose, and have amassed quite the shirtdress menagerie.

But now you can get the goods on your own at new ...

You, girl, want to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time.

But your outré fashion sense is bringing you down, leaving you about as chic as Rick James circa 1990.

Steer your style back on ...

5:30 p.m. Stuck in traffic. Listen to rush-hour radio. Weigh dinner options. Cooking? Takeout? Compared to your perpetually empty fridge, it all sounds so good.

Except that at 6 you still haven’t moved an inch. And you’re ready to ...