Beach Bum

Climate control? Last you checked, gutter-busting freezing rain and slushy snowstorms were far beyond your control.

Don’t bother taking it up with the powers that be. They’ve got bigger fish to fry. Save your two cents.

Put them (and the rest of your spare change) toward the new Caribbean spa treatment at the Linear Aveda Spa. It’s your body’s ticket to Latin climes by way of a tropical buff-and-polish. Start by kicking off your boots (snowshoes, whatever) and dipping your toes into a soothing coconut milk soak. Next comes a body scrub, followed by an all-over skin-hydrating mask laden with natural island extracts like mango, amyris, bay leaf, and lime. Finally, assume the beach position (flat out, like a starfish) for a 20-minute massage that leaves you with that woozy, post-pina-colada feeling (minus the hangover) and skin that looks sunny, clear, and beautiful.

You know, like tomorrow’s weather forecast.

As if.

Caribbean Body Wrap, Linear Aveda Lifestyle Salon and Spa, 699 Boylston Street, between Dartmouth and Exeter Avenues (617-267-3080).