Samba? Eh. You’re more of a free-form shuffler. But something about Rio (The caipirinhas? The balmy beaches? The beautiful native Cariocas?) will have you hot and bothered.

GPS
Copacabana, Leblon, and Ipanema — the white sand beaches in the Zona Sul (South Zone) — are filled with golden bodies and perfect bumbuns (that’s local for “hot ass”). Avoid Copacabana (the beach is pretty seedy) and stick to Leblon and Ipanema for sunning and shopping by day, cachaça bars and samba clubs after sunset.

NEST
Hotel of the moment Marina All Suites (Avenida Delfim Moreira, 696; +55-21-2172-1001) has space galore and passion fruit caipirinhas from heaven. Score an 01 room if you want the prettiest ocean view. At the infamous and grand Copacabana Palace (Avenida Atlântica, 1702; +55-21-2548-7070), you’ll mingle with jet-setters and dignitaries. Try to control yourself at the endless buffet brunch.

INVEST
Inside the new Shopping Leblon center, jewelry designer Maria Oiticica (Avenida Afrânio de Melo Franco, 290; +55-21-3138-8220) fuses a modern sensibility with organic Amazonian fibers, seeds, leather, and tree bark. Brazilians love their Havaianas, but Peach by Constança Basto is the more glam choice (Rio Design Leblon, Avenida Ataulfo de Paiva, 270; +55-21-2511-4387). Get the chic clothes to match at Osklen (Rua Maria Quitéria, 85; +55-21-2227-2911). For cheap Havaianas and jewelry deals (perfect souvenirs for the gang), hit Ipanema’s Sunday Feira Hippie (Praça General Osório).

INGEST
You’ll eat a lot of meat, and you’ll love it. Local hangout Academia da Cachaça (Rua Conde Bernadotte, 26; +55-21-2529-2680) serves linguiça (sausage with lime) and caldinho de feijão (smoky black bean soup with bacon). Head to hilltop hood Santa Teresa to perch beneath straw huts and sip caipirinhas out of whole coconuts over lunch at Restaurante Aprazível (Rua Aprazível, 62, Santa Teresa; +55-21-2508-9174), then eat like a king at the communal table at Roberta Sudbrack (Rua Lineu de Paula Machado, 916; +55-21-3874-0139). After dinner, hit steamy Bar da Praia (Rua João Lira, 5; +55-21-2540-5212), just off Leblon beach, order Leblon cachaça (the current rage — so good you can sip it straight), and watch the fog roll in all night.

THE REST
* Ipanema’s beach zone 9 has the hottest sand in the city. (Oh, and never bring valuables – not even a bag – to the beach.)

* Glitzy jewelry attracts thieves. Stick to the enamel and beaded stuff like the Cariocas.

* Soar to great heights (way above your fears) in a helicopter ride over Sugar Loaf and Corcovado.

* Blame it on the bossa nova at dark and sultry Vinícius Bar, where legends belt Brazilian standards (Rua Vinícius de Moraes, 39; +55-21-2523-4757).

* From mid-October through Carnival, sweaty dancers rehearse and guests get into the wild groove at G.R.E.S. Acadêmicos do Salgueiro samba school (Rua Silva Teles, 104, Andaraí; +55-21-2238-9258).

Then you get to wake up and do it all over again.