The dude in the surgeon’s mask on the T definitely had swine flu. Now you’re obviously infected. (Oh, God, you’re already feeling run-down.) Before e-mailing the WHO, try Acupuncture: the Detox Treatment at East Meets East Healing Arts. Ideal for spring cleaners and hypochondriacs alike, it involves a dozen teeny pins in your ankles, wrists, ears, and forehead. A warm castor oil pack is slathered on your stomach before you’re left to relax (pins in) for a blessedly undisturbed hour. When stimulated all at once, these spots and the oil work to detoxify the liver and kidneys and can help with digestive (and menstrual) issues. You’ll barely feel the needles (really) and leave feeling far less sluggish. And happier than a pig in, well, you know. Available at East Meets East Healing Arts, 530 Tremont Street, lower level (857-204-2346 or eastmeetseast.net).