The only porcelain you’ve got is a set of painfully attached veneers and your roommate’s collection of Marie Osmond dolls (look how cute the Baby Donny Tiny Tot is!).

When you’re ready for enamel you don’t want to ...

You wore a tiara throughout kindergarten, wings for most of first grade, and wielded a purple wand for the rest of elementary school.

You’ve always been somewhat of a fairy.

Keep it up, Tink, with a portrait from The Paper ...

You’ve Netflixed Slumdog Millionaire thirteen times, put on gold bangles and break out in spontaneous song, and still rock pashmina with pride. Hooray for Bollywood!

Add authenticity to your cultural love affair, jaan, with fabrics from Seema Krish Collection. ...

The only grill marks you’ve made this summer are on your back (in the unfortunate shape of a halter bikini).

Sizzle in another way with an Element by Fuego grill.

The brand new barbecue doesn’t take up any more room ...

Hey, diddle, diddle, the cat and the fiddle. Your dish ran away with your spoon. (Can you blame them?)

Lure them back in low-key Japanese style with Fog Linen Work table linens.

Designed by Yumiko Sekine and produced in Lithuania ...

Pencil cup (age 6). Light-up bow tie (high school). Last-minute phone call (last year). Good job, ingrate. This year, give Dad something that doesn’t suck.

You’ve had his signature blackened chicken enough times to know that it’s black because it’s ...

Alice sighed wearily. Her unbirthday party had left her with quite the mess. Again. (The Mad Hatter was such a lush).

Next time, she thought indignantly, she’d give her guests something to dab up spills as they go. Artgoodies tea