I'm Gonna Get You, Pucker

If your lips feel the way Lower Wacker looks, why not try one of the many products that claim to repair the damage?

There are the waxy sticks (great for that I-just-made-out-with-a-candle feeling), the sticky glosses (windblown hair’s worst nightmare), and the medicinal tubs (muscle rubdown, anyone?).

Truth is, all those options don’t add up to poop — Chicken Poop, that is. The soy, jojoba, sweet orange, lavender, and beeswax stick is the best fix for chapped, cracked, weathered kissers.

The soy and jojoba help the poop glide on easily to replenish moisture, while the other ingredients protect you from the elements. And your pucker will not only be silky smooth, but totally goop-free. Why the scatological name? Beats us. But the stuff works.

And we’re not talking poop.

Available at RR#1 Chicago, 814 North Ashland Avenue, between West Chicago Avenue and West Augusta Boulevard (312-421-9079). Also available online at ilovechickenpoop.com.