Wanted butter and wound up with Parkay? This weekend get as close to the real deal as possible.

EAT
Cinco de Mayo at Salud
What: Mariachis, $3 margaritas, and (we hope) maraca shaking.
Why: Better than a run for the border.
When: Thurs. 4 p.m.-2 a.m.
Where: 1471 N. Milwaukee Ave., at Honore St. (773-235-5577).

Kopi, a Traveler’s Cafe
What: Vegetarian resto has guidebooks for nomads.
Why: Lament your near-trip to Calcutta over a latte.
When: Weekdays 8 a.m.-11 p.m., Sat. 9 a.m.-midnight, Sun. 10 a.m.-midnight.
Where: 5317 N. Clark St., b/t Berwyn and Summerdale Aves. (773-989-5674).

BUY
Hart-Davis-Hart Wine Co. Auction
What: Burgundy, Bordeaux, and Cali vintages for bidders big and small.
Why: The next best thing to a trip to Napa.
When: Sat. 9 a.m. tasting (reservation required), 10 a.m. auction.
Where: Chicago Athletic Association, 12 S. Michigan Ave., at Madison St. (312-482-9996).

DO
Make-Your-Own Coldplay Concert
What: Gather friends, dim the lights, pop the CD, and start humming “Spies.”
Why: Take ticket scarcity into your own hands.
When: Fri., whenever you think Mr. Martin takes the stage.
Where: Your living room.

SEE
Psycho-So-Matic
What: Euphoric performance art in a laundromat.
Why: Actors won’t do your loads, but the show sure sparkles.
When: Fri. & Sat. 9:30 p.m., through June 4.
Where: Walkabout Theater Company at The Speed Wash Laundromat, 4721 N. Damen Ave., b/t Giddings St. and Leland Ave. (312-458-0566).