Cotton candy, sweet and low, let me see that tootsie roll … to the left, to the left, to the right, to the right, to the front, to the front, to the b — uh oh. What’s that funky smell?

Aw, #@%*!. You broiled your cake. Looks like you need Cooking 101.

Good thing you didn’t burn down your kitchen; class is at your place. And Marsha Gibson-Heuberger is your personal professor. Trained at Kendall College, she focuses exclusively on cooking techniques. That’s right: no recipes, just lessons on how to use every tool in sight.

She’ll come to your home to teach knife skills and methods (from poaching to braising to — your personal favorite — broiling) and will even take you shopping for goods and equipment.

In a few weeks time, cooking will be a breeze.

Now dip, baby, dip.

For information on classes, go to thepersonalcookingcoach.com.