Food & Drink

Gorbal It All Up

the gorbals!

Stop us if you’ve heard this one before.

A bagpiper and a rabbi walk into The Alexandria Hotel.

The rabbi turns to the bagpiper and says, “Hey, ziss is The Gorbals?”

The bagpiper says, “Aye, ye bet Top Chef winner Ilan Hall’s arse it is.” So they head into the minimal white back room and note the wood accents. “You want to sit at the bar or a two-top?” the bagpiper asks.

“Nah,” the rabbi says. “Let’s nosh at the communal table.”

The waitress asks, “What’ll it be, boys? Beer? Wine? Cocktail?”

“I’ll have the lamb breast rarebit, the shepherd’s pie with soft-cooked quail egg, a haggis burger, and the bacon-wrapped matzo balls,” the bagpiper says.

“Oy vey. Have you started the Manischewitz tasting menu?” the rabbi asks.

“Or the single malt pairing dinner?” adds the bagpiper.

“Not yet,” she says.

“Well, I’ll take the cucumber-avocado salad and the gribenes, lettuce, and tomato.” The rabbi pauses. “We’ll share the gefilte fish and chips.”

Hey, this food’s no punch line.

The Gorbals opens tomorrow at 501 Spring Street, between West Fifth and West Sixth Streets, Downtown (213-488-3408 or

Photo credit: Hadley Tomicki

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501 S Spring St
bt W 5th & W 6th Sts
Los Angeles, CA 90013