Like Mr. T, you pity the fool.

HOARD
Sweet Miss Giving’s Cupcakes
What: In honor of Good Friday (and your insatiable sweet tooth), the local baker sells two red velvet cupcakes for just $1.
Why: Half of all profits goes to Chicago House, helping the formerly homeless and HIV affected.
When: Fri., 7 a.m.-7 p.m. While supplies last.
Where: Chicago French Market, Ogilvie Transportation Center, 131 N. Clinton St., b/t Washington Blvd. & Lake St. (312-575-0306).

HEAL
Exhale Spa Express Acupuncture
What: Twenty-minute sessions ($20) initiate newcomers to the treatment said to revive energy and shave away stress.
Why: A lunch break well spent.
When: Thru Apr. 30. By appointment only.
Where: 945 N. State St., b/t Oak & Walton Sts. For reservations, call 312-753-6500.

HEAR
The Protomen
What: Because hair metal never dies, the Tennessee band bangs out songs from their latest album, Act II: the Father of Death.
Why: They wear costumes and have code names. Of course.
When: Tonight, 8 p.m.
Where: Beat Kitchen, 2100 W. Belmont Ave., at Hoyne Ave. (773-281-4444). Tickets online at ticketweb.com.

SHOP
Leigh & Luca Sale
What: Get the NYC design duo’s bright handwoven and embroidered scarves at up to 50 percent off.
Why: We like to say we knew them when.
When: Just in time for spring.
Where: Online at swirl.com.

CHILL
Big Star’s Patio Opens
What: The wait to suck in some prime North/Damen/Milwaukee air while sitting on a picnic table with frijoles charros is over.
Why: There are 123 new pieces of great real estate.
When: Opens Sat. Daily, 11:30 a.m.-midnight.
Where: 1531 N. Damen Ave., at Pierce Ave. (773-235-4039).

TASTE
Chili Cook-Off & Keg Party
What: Chefs from Landmark Grill + Lounge, Boka, and Perennial compete for bragging rights. Sample until you’re stuffed, then vote.
Why: Dogfish Head beers for a quarter a cup.
When: Tonight, 8:30 p.m.-2 a.m.
Where: Landmark Grill + Lounge, 1633 N. Halsted St., b/t North Ave. & Willow St. Reservations (recommended) at 312-587-1600.

Photo: Courtesy of Sweet Miss Giving’s