One morning, in a sleepy stupor, you learned that not all coffee cups are created equal — especially when microwaves meet small glass vases (would you like some shards with that cup of joe?).

Now you’re more careful about the ...

Your thespian friends can’t see a show without intense post-production critique — this guy should’ve played that guy, the script was all fercocked — turning your low key, arty evening into a night at the soapbox (starring IKnowitall and NoIdo).

They’ll eat their ...

September is Illinois Wine Month (yippeee!). Please imbibe safely.

SEE
Dr. Amazing, Your Country Needs You
What: Annoyance Productions presents a rip-roaring comedy with werewolves, aliens, and, of course, space Nazis.
Why: Fulfill your fantasies.
When: Thurs., 8 p.m.
Where: Annoyance ...

On life’s list of virtues, patience isn’t in your top five (okay, ten).

However many deep breaths (and muscle relaxers) you take, you just can’t stop things from getting under your skin.

So why don’t you let someone else give ...

Devil: Use that paycheck for a massage!

Angel: No! A week’s worth of groceries.

Devil: Facial. Adult acne is not your friend.

Angel: Beauty is more than skin deep.

Devil: If you don’t get a wax, I’m leaving you.

Angel: ...

It’s not that you don’t enjoy foreplay. It’s just that your job ends at 5. And overtime isn’t your thing.

The BF, however, is a total workaholic (if you know what we mean).

Reciprocate already and sign up for a ...

When a kindly gentleman answered your 3 a.m. SOS, jumped your car, and followed you home to be sure you got there safely, you almost kissed him (but held back).

At times like that, mere words of gratitude aren’t enough. ...