Online - July 27, 2005

It's a Jungle in Here: a Study in Workplace Personality Types

Animal Gauze Masks

A typical office.

Type-A Overachiever: I don’t get sick. (Stifles a wheeze.)

Obsessive-Compulsive Germophobe: Yes, you do. You just don’t admit it. Then you come here and spew festering microbes all over the rest of us. (Sprays disinfectant frantically.)

Rageoholic Misanthrope: Be quiet or I’ll throw something at you. (Reaches for stapler.)

Conflict-Averse People-Pleaser: What if you all got Animal Gauze masks? They’re decorated with images of way-funny animal snouts — nothing like those sterile-looking gauze ones you’ve seen all over Tokyo. Those who, uh, might seem under the weather (in some people’s opinions) can wear them for the protection of others; those who have a (potentially totally rational) fear of illness can wear them for their own. The pictures are neat, too — you can get a fierce-looking tiger or gorilla, or a super-cute monkey or pig.

Passive-Aggressive Narcissist: I was totally going to suggest that when you kind of interrupted me. But that’s okay. Whatever.

Rageoholic Misanthrope throws desk chair at Passive-Aggressive Narcissist. Cheering ensues.

Curtain.

Available online at compactimpact.com.