August 18, 2005

Lexicon XV

The Wedding Lexicon

By this point in this seemingly endless wedding season, you’ve probably come up with some bon mots of your own to describe the ever-expanding nuptial universe, but DailyCandy couldn’t resist throwing a few more out there.

altarcation
n. A heated, angry dispute between the couple regarding the details of the ceremony. (Honey, no, we did not discuss letting your Uncle Larry, a.k.a. “The Stuttering Wonder,” do a reading.)

bridesmaid, revisited
n. A woman who’s been a bridesmaid so often she refers to the month of June as “the wedding circuit.”

brilton
n. A 3 a.m. Vegas wedding. (Thank you,  Britney and Nicky.)

ca-toast-trophic
adj. Used to describe a completely horrifying toast.

child bride
n. The flower girl forced to wear a miniature version of the bridal gown, complete with veil and train.

debauchelor
n. A groom whose bachelor party is particularly bacchanalian.

dowdification
n. The process by which brides ensure they aren’t upstaged by their bridesmaids. (Damn, if that maid of honor wasn’t dowdified!)

groompaloompa
n. Bridezilla’s counterpart.

maid of dishonor
n. The wedding attendant who alters her dress to show lots o’ cleavage, then sleeps with the best man.

nuptualpalooza
n. A wedding weekend that’s as action-packed as a three-ring circus.

OVD
n. Obsessive Vicarious Disorder. A condition that afflicts mothers of the bride.

rockafella
n. A groom who picks a ring for its size and ostentation. (Sure, she’s marrying for love. But it doesn’t hurt that Joe’s a rockafella.)

the hora, the hora
n. The fear of getting thrown to the ground and crushed during the hora.

Vera-cious
adj. Used to describe the bird-like appetite of a bride hoping to fit into a Vera Wang sample-size dress.