Attennnnn-hut!

Welcome to basic training, where you pathetic lot of T-shirts, tanks, and jeans will learn to protect and serve.

Go ahead: Drop and do twenty. You’ll still be boring duds. 

Now, you wanna see a line of innovative basics? (That’s “yes, sir,” to you, punk.) Check out Hazelnut, a line of cotton and denim pieces out of Berlin.

You weenie tees pale in comparison to the Duet Set, a two-piecer consisting of a slatted-front tank and a long-sleeve scoop-neck over-top. The Space Cadet has a stand-up collar and banded bottom with shiny, nautical-inspired buttons. And you could all learn a thing or two from the full-length black denim pants: covered buttons, comfy medium-low waistline, and a leg that’d keep anyone on the straight-and-narrow.

Just be glad they weren’t around during WWII. With frontline recruits like these, the Germans might’ve beat the pants off us.

Available online at starsandinfinitedarkness.com.