Walrus: Hey, Crackhead, what’s the latest?

Hermit Crab: Wally, I really hate it when you call me that.

Walrus: Sorry, Crabbie. Hey, I hear Nettie’s got crabs. She okay?

HC: Not that kinda crabs, Toofus. The Crab Shack opens today on Union Street, so we’re all very busy trying to get outta town before we become dinner.

W: Word on the waves is that it’s modeled after the classic East Coast fish houses — serving up lobster rolls, chowders, oyster po’boys, cioppino, Boston swizzles, and buckets of brew.

HC: Yeah, and sadly the place sounds killer if you’re not a crab: sun filled and super chill with picnic tables, a copper-paneled bar, reclaimed wood walls, and a front patio with a bar-wrapped palm tree. Oh, and they’ll be doing weekend brunches. We’re doomed!

W: Holy smokes, now I’m itchin’ for some crabs!

HC: (Silence)

W: Dude, you okay?

HC: Yeah, just a little shell shocked.

Nettie’s Crab Shack, 2032 Union Street, between Buchanan and Webster Streets (415-409-0300 or nettiescrabshack.com).