Meat and Greet

dallas meat market!
Photos: Fotosearch / Getty Images

Thick, juicy, and well cut. We Texans know how we like our meat.

And at Dallas Meat Market, you can have your tender loins and eat ’em, too.

The new site doesn’t just offer chicken, steak, and sausage — but also single lads and ladies. Ordering is easy: Just select your choice meat (the jumbo links are especially lovely) and a list of potential suitors (mathematically matched for maximum taste-bud compatibility) will be added to your shopping cart.

At checkout, click on your favorite ham (Angus is sure juicy), and he or she will personally hand-deliver your order.

Here’s one for those who really bring home the bacon: Spend $500 or more and your date will come equipped with a box of flank steak-flavored rubbers in case things start to sizzle.

Talk about a real ballbuster.

Available online at dallasmeatmarket.com.