If your dog could talk, what would he say? “I love eating off the floor, having my butt sniffed by strangers and your annoying baby voice.” Probably not. Here’s what we think your pooch is trying to tell you.“When was the last time you ate a dry biscuit or liver jelly? I want food that looks as good as what you’re eating. Wilson’s Pet Bakery treats (£4 and up), like cupcakes, cookies and donuts, and chicken-flavoured Doggy Popcorn (£2.50) will do just fine.”“Running around in circles isn’t a blast. Why not dress me up in a Hot Diggity Dog costume (£30-£40) or throw me a Humunga Stache mustache ball (£8) for a laugh and an arf?”“Smelling bad isn’t my fault — it’s yours. Even though I can’t clean myself (too catty), I’d be happy to let you apply Oh My Dog products (£8-£18), including shampoo, breath spray and eye lotion.”“Yes, it’s a dog’s life, but it’s not all fun and games. Sometimes I nap or pee on your new carpet. Discover how I spend my time with the Eyenimal pet video camera (£83).”“If you don’t want me to chew your shoe, simply buy me a wedge by Hamish McBeth (£7). It’s really that simple.”For more canine inspiration, see our 2010 dog guide.