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entertainment

Who Will Win the Stupor Bowl?

The ultimate party game for boys, girls, and lushes

Maybe you’re super into football (like us). Or maybe you’re just tuning in for the commercials (we hear that). Either way, we’ve come up with a game everyone (of age) can play.

Things you will need:
Booze
Finger foods
High tolerance
Low inhibitions

Let’s get stupid.

When you hear announcers Joe Buck or Troy Aikman say “smash-mouth football,” kiss the person to your left.
You know what they say: full heart, open mouth, can’t lose.

If you happen to see the commercial starring Don Cheadle and a llama, feed the person next to you from your hand.
Cup your hand like a trough.

For every “Omaha” Peyton Manning shouts during his presnap theatrics, take a drink.
If it ends up being a running play, finish it.

Anytime a player loses his helmet, take off a piece of clothing.
The players have a “go big or go home” mentality. Echo that and you might not go home alone. Score.

When a player loses a cleat, last person to remove his/her shoe has to drink. From the shoe.
Slow reflexes? Take another pair with you. Or just drink so much you don’t notice the vessel.

When a girl refers to a team’s uniforms as “outfits,” make her finish her drink.
You are wearing an outfit or, ideally, a jersey. Athletes wear uniforms. The Seahawks’ threads are arguably the sharpest in the league, but still: respect.

When the cast of Full House reunites over Dannon Oikos, everyone collectively say “Havvve merrrcy.”
Then cut. it. out.

Flag on the field? Shot in your hand.
Go with Fireball Cinnamon Whisky. It tastes like the eponymous candy and gives a sweet burn on the way down.

Whenever a player does a spin move, spin-move to the fridge for a refill.
Dizziness adds to the overall effect.

Interception! Steal a wing from your neighbor’s plate. Or finish his drink.
Just make sure it’s not boneless or watered down.

Every time Richard Sherman touches the ball, shout your GPA and where you went to college.
You probably won’t hear a 3.9 at Stanford University.

Anytime Manning goes sans helmet, pop a melon ball. Or something equally round.
The guy’s a living legend, but he also looks like Pa Joad from The Grapes of Wrath.

Russell Wilson -> Derrick Coleman play. Give the host(ess) a meaningful high five.
If Wilson hands the ball to Coleman, the first deaf offensive player in NFL history, put your hands together for the inspirational tale of a very kind individual.

Anytime you feel like changing the channel to the Puppy Bowl, do.
We’ve got our eye on Abilene the Australian shepherd mix and Anthony the pit bull mix, but the entire roster looks promising.

Pick six. Waterfall.
Best done with PBRs or a light beer at room temperature. We know from experience. (What’s a pick six? That’d be when a defensive player returns an interception for a touchdown.)

When the Broncos score, finish your plate while riding someone bareback.
Not a Broncos fans? You’re the bare back.

When the Seahawks score, finish your drink — with no hands, arms stretched out like wings.
Not a Seahawks fan? Do it anyway. It’s fun.

Every time the temperature is mentioned, put something — of someone else’s — on.
At this point, someone’s got to be missing a shoe. Or a shirt.

Ladies choice: Any time sideline correspondents Pam Oliver and Erin Andrews get airtime, make a dude take a shot, get you a refill, or bake you cookies.
Whatever your heart desires.

Spot a semi in the room after a close-up shot of the cheerleaders? Pop a cocktail wiener.
Sorry, we’re not sorry.

Watch the Super Bowl this Sunday on Fox. Kickoff is at 6:30 p.m. Not sure what to cook? We have all your game-day recipes. And of course, drink responsibly.

Photos: Getty Images