February 28, 2002

Stop! Don't Eat That Donut!

The 1-900 Diet Hotline

You’ve been tossing and turning for hours. Forget the sheep. All you can think about is that pint of Haagen Dazs. Suddenly, you’re in the kitchen, spoon in hand, searching the freezer.

Then you remember: You hoovered it last night.

Don’t despair. Put down the spoon. We repeat, put down the spoon. Step away from the freezer, and pick up the phone. For a mere $3.95 per minute, the “friendly motivators” at 1-900-BANANAS will listen to you bitch and moan about that diet — and will try their darnedest to steer you towards the celery.

They’re no nutritional experts. And we confess: We spotted the ad in a tabloid. We couldn’t resist. We had to call. If nothing else, it made us laugh. Which made us forget how hungry we were.

Psychologically speaking, you’re better off calling the Psychic Friends Network. Or your mother. You’re overdue on that call, now aren’t you?

Call (1-900-BANANAS).