Anal-retentive. OCD. Neat Nazi. You’ve heard it all.

Ha. Bring on the epithets. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but muddy shoes, unsorted laundry, and a sinkful of dirty dishes could actually be the death of you. Does it seem sometimes as though the world is peopled with sinister emissaries of entropy? Children, dogs, litterbugs, your roommate … Is there no relief for the beleaguered soldier of hygiene?

Help is on the way. Below, a compendium of weapons against the forces of ever encroaching disorder.

You’re so clean you’re inclined to worry whether your soap is clean enough. (Really. Who knows where it’s been?) A surefire way to avoid obsessive musings on this topic: Daily Soap. Every day, a brand new mini bar, untouched by human hands (or whatever). Also great for traveling.

Crumb. Such a harmless-sounding word for an agent of pure evil. What you may not know is that there is actually a graceful way to remove these little offenders from the table between courses: the Crumb Sweeper.

What most people don’t understand is that scrubbing is an art. Tony Meredith is an artist who knows this all too well and has beautifully packaged Scrub Sets for your OCD pleasure. For each new stubborn stain, a pristine set of gloves and sponge.

On occasions when a napkin tucked into your collar simply won’t do the trick, OxiClean wipes, instantly remove spots of any ilk from your garments.

Candlelight can sure put you in the mood. For fretting about the state of your tablecloth, that is. Most dripless candles are a sham; these, from Genwax, have wicks ringed with holes to drain the melting wax.

Pulling out the vacuum is a zen-like ritual. The way you handle the attachments is poetry in motion. So add a little scent to your step with The Good Home Company vacuum beads. Drop them in the vacuum bag and voila — the freshest form of aromatherapy.

There now. Consider yourself armed. May the forces of cleanliness be with you.