Whatchu Callin' 'Bout, Willis?

He’s tried to pick up the pieces.

But on June 8, 1979, when Welcome Back, Kotter aired its final episode, a little corner of TV Land — and your brother’s heart — went dark forever.

Hollywoodiscalling.com can help. For just $29.95, they’ll arrange to have Robert “Juan Epstein” Hegyes, the original Puerto Rican Jew, make a personal phone call to a friend or loved one (or to you, of course). Or perhaps the yearned-for voice is that of Fred “Rerun” Berry. Or Lou Ferrigno. No problem. Hollywoodiscalling.com has a long, ever-rotating roster of “celebrities” that at last glance included all of the above, plus Richard Hatch (way to “survive,” dude!), Lorenzo Lamas, Todd “Willis Drummond” Bridges, and hunky Christopher Atkins. Though they will personalize the greeting, don’t bother asking them to say anything offensive or dirty. These guys have standards, after all. But other than that, they’ll be glad to say anything you want — Happy Birthday, Get Well Soon, Congratulations …

Or might we suggest a few bars of “Welcome Back”?

For more information, go to hollywoodiscalling.com.