Valentine’s Day. A holiday that can elicit paroxysms of the most unpleasant kind and that’s second only to New Year’s Eve in its expectation/expense-to-disappointment/denial ratio. Still, not even you can avoid it, Mr. Crazy in Love and Miss I’m So Over It, so you may as well give in. Gently, of course.

Old Standbys
Jewelry, sweets, and flowers have seen millions over the February hump. Why mess with tradition?

The red string on the Make a Wish necklace breaks when the wish is about to come true. (Careful what you ask for … )

The three gold bands in Cartier’s Baby Trinity bracelet represent faithfulness (yellow), friendship (white), and love (rose). The best part? You can customize the cord from a rainbow of colors (black, pink, turquoise, navy, orange, red, brown) and add your own secret meaning. (Available at Cartier boutiques nationwide. For more information, call 800-CARTIER.)

Chocoholics will swoon over Cocoa + Co.‘s collection of chic, hard-to-score chocolates from around the world, like Michael Recchiuti box sets, Vosges Red Fire bars, Christopher Norman dominos, and DIY samplers.

Fruit baskets are a snore. Unless, that is, the fruit is made of jelly beans.

Another clever twist on sweets: Once Upon a Tart’s cookie-decorating kit. (How often do artists get to eat their best creations?)

For a gift that keeps on blooming, send a year of flowers from Calyx & Corolla. Not that committed? Go for a three- or six-month plan.

Tasty Getaways
Take each other on a vacation where food is as prized as the sumptuous surroundings. The best-kept foodie secret? Le Manoir aux Quat’ Saisons. An outrageously divine English country fantasy. Cooking courses are available, and American food is featured in April.

A modern Italian villa in the middle of the Berkshires, the Wheatleigh is one of those places where everything — the cuisine, the decor, the grounds — exceeds superlatives.

Or, you’ll be awed by the natural beauty at Triple Creek Ranch in Montana (lakes, mountains, meadows), and thrilled by the chef’s offerings (gourmet snacks for your picnic — or the hammock).

Stay-at-Home Affairs
Really, there’s no need to leave the comfort (and privacy) of your living room. And, strictly speaking, no valentines are necessary to enjoy any of these.

Kol bath products are the work of a husband-and-wife team whose travels together inspired their creations. It’s hard to pick faves, but El Maroc is the most addictive. And …

More product! For him: an old-fashioned shave courtesy of the classic English barbers Truefitt & Hill. For her: the humorous Miso Pretty collection (say it out loud), especially the persimmon soap.

Lazy thrills: the complete first season of Curb Your Enthusiasm (for bah-humbug valentines), The Thorn Birds (for incurable romantics), the Ingmar Bergman Collection (for brooding brains), and HR Pufnstuf - The Complete Series (for nostalgic mindlessness).

Whatever’s on, nestle under this Kookoon silky throw.

Or turn off the tube and crank the stereo. Uncle Junior’s Friday Fish Fry will turn your place into a dance party any day of the week.

Especially if you’re clad in hot Brazilian skivvies, a Lulu Guinness faux-fur stole, or American Apparel’s sweet (and inexpensive) robe. (Available by phone order: 213-484-6464, 646-383-2257, or 646-336-6515.)

Seeking pursuits more mature than boogying in your underpants? Okay, you’re no fun. But you’ll love this sleek chess set.

Talking points during the game: the rare Bordeaux you scored at the Wine Commune auction site and the fancy tricks your new Tiffany pocketknife can perform.

Full of Grace, the latest from author and artist Louis Cannizzaro, explores love’s greatest one-liners.

For short and sweet greetings of another kind, check out a bunch of retro valentines. You’re in the third grade all over again.

Of course, the real thing this day inspires everyone not to ask is Are we destined to be together, and if so, when should we get married? Spare your shrink and call Boston-based astrologer Karen Thorne (781-259-8381) for a compatibility reading. Some matters are simply too tough to leave to mere mortals.