April 16, 2004

Busted

Gingi Firming Breast Mask

There are only three things for certain in this world: death (darn!), taxes (rats!), and gravity-induced downward breast mobility (no comment).

It’s unavoidable. Over 22 and have tits? You know all about the loss of perkiness, height, and shape.

Which is why no self-respecting boob owner will want to be without the newest product to come down the pike: the Gingi Breast Firming Mask. Made from rose water (to cleanse), hyaluronic acid (to moisturize and smooth), and something called Enderline extract (to firm), it’s a quick fix for anyone feeling less than 100 percent happy about her bosom. Just slap the one-size-fits-all masks — which resemble thick Wet Ones with nipple holes — onto your little buddies (clamminess alert!) and relax in a private place for 30 minutes. Remove, rinse, and relish your sublime new ta-tas. (Privacy recommended here as well.)

It’s one small, satisfying way to cheat gravity.

Just don’t get any ideas about doing the same with death or the IRS. They always catch up with you.

Available soon. Preorder online at gingiskincare.com.