NEW YORK — Early last Tuesday evening an overworked, overscheduled New York woman, whose identity is being withheld pending notification of her family, was found lying on the living-room floor of her East Village walk-up. She was discovered by her boyfriend after she failed to show up for dinner.

“I just wanted an at-home massage,” the victim told reporters. “Who knew bliss was so coma inducing?”

Investigators on the scene revealed that the incident began with a call to Cortiva, the company best known for providing in-room massages at high-end hotels. Cortiva recently expanded its services and now dispatches licensed massage therapists to homes throughout Manhattan. The price tag for the hour-long service is $125 and includes tax and tip.

As of press time, the victim was reported to be in better-than-stable condition.

“I may call for another tomorrow,” she said, as she shooed reporters away and turned to her soon-to-be-happier boyfriend.

Cortiva (866-267-8482 or massagecard.com).