Mary was about to lose it.

All she wanted was a place to rest her weary feet, but Joseph had been utterly useless in booking anywhere. Blake’s and Claridge’s were full. The Soho Hotel hadn’t so much as a sofa.

Finally, they stumbled upon a warm and spacious Cowshed. It was a peaceful haven offering calming beauty treatments, with groovy music and big armchairs. It even had a dishy innkeeper called Nick Jones who welcomed them warmly.

Joseph treated Mary to a Cowshed massage while he had a Cowgroom shave treatment. Afterwards, the couple chilled in the cafe upstairs. Mary went for a cappuccino and three iced cupcakes (she was eating for two, after all); Joseph downed an energy-boosting banana smoothie (boy, did he need it with her yacketing on at him). Both were delighted by the attentions of the staff, who treated them like the second coming.

Then they stocked up on Cowshed products. Joseph thought the Grumpy Cow morning body wash was apt for his wife, whilst Mary felt Joseph might benefit from Lazy Cow soothing bath and massage oil. They wandered around Notting Hill for a while, looking for a star to follow.

Apparently, Hugh Grant lived nearby.

Cowshed, 119 Portland Road, W11 (020 7078 1944 or cowshedclarendoncross.com). To see products, go to cowshedproducts.com.