July 17, 2006

Two for One

Tandem Umbrella

MEMO

Date: March 5, 2006
To: All women
Importance: High
Re: Chivalry

It’s officially dead, ladies.

T.O.D.: 10:15 last night.

The scene: As Margaret Little exited an Applebee’s restaurant with her boyfriend, Jack Simmons (who, incidentally, insisted they “go dutch”), she noticed it was raining. She then observed as Simmons opened his umbrella and proceeded to the car beneath it — alone. Leaving Little to make her way in the downpour.

Had Simmons possessed a tandem umbrella, he might have been inclined to remember his lady friend. The useful contraption has a double canopy, allowing two people to walk comfortably without unpleasant elbowing.

Ladies, if he has a tandem umbrella and still leaves you in the rain, you are officially empowered to withhold sex and other favors.

If he’s got a problem with that, just ask him if he got the memo.

Available online at shiptheweb.com.