Granted, the drapes match the rug. But the color scheme just ain’t working — maybe because the whole matchy-matchy look is so last season. (Apologies, LiLo.) Time to refurbish your special no-no place with a jazzy fall color: Put your triangle’s tresses in the capable hands of Betty, the first dye created especially for your down-there hair. The easy-to-use formula is safe enough for your sensitive lady place. And if your orchid is wilting, fear not — Betty easily covers grays. Decorate your fuzzy éclair with a variety of icings, like subtle auburn, blonde, brown, and black. Not enough options (or unsettling euphemisms) for ya? Feather your nest with FunBetty, an oh-no-she-didn’t pink. The dripless formula guarantees that no dye will sully your pee-pee’s teepee, and your new plumage is more than certain to attract plenty of male attention. So go on and wash that man right into your hair. Available by phone order at 212-288-9070 or e-mail email@example.com. For more information, go to bettybeauty.com.