Do as We Say, Not as We Did

We’ve lost luggage, overspent on almonds, been arrested in Puerto Rico, and offended our foreign hosts — all so you don’t have to. Herewith, DailyCandy’s travel commandments.

Don’t pay for luggage carts. Walk outside and grab one that someone left curbside.

Wear socks or be forced to walk through the metal detector barefoot.

If you pack your “personal massager” in your carry-on bag, it will most certainly get searched.

consume!Remember, Europe’s on the metric system so calories don’t count.

The time spent at a cultural event should be inversely proportional to the time spent at the cafe next door.

Tip well. If you’re American, tip even better.

You’re not a traveler if you can’t haggle; you’re a tourist. But you’re also not a traveler if you haggle for six hours; you’re a cheap bastard.

When disaster strikes — and it will — relax. Remember: It’s all part of the adventure and will make for a great story later.

scoot! scoot!You are far more likely to get in an accident while driving a rented car. Get the insurance.

When in Rome, go topless. But when in Puerto Rico, wear a shirt. Trust us. (It’s illegal.)

A language barrier is not an obstacle; it’s an excuse to avoid small talk and gesticulate wildly.

Learn some local geography: Sweden and Norway are not “real close.”

Learn some local slang: One country’s tobacco is another country’s hash.

unpredictable!You call it a romantic three-day weekend; the airlines call your Friday night departure a sitting duck. Keep a plan B at point A just in case a jauntily named storm comes between you and paradise.

If you order coffee in your hotel room, ask for it in a to-go cup. It’s a much bigger serving, especially if cappuccino or latte.

Buy your own water at the nearest convenience store. You’re a true sucker if you pay for the bottles in the room.

here's to vacation!Step. Away. From. The minibar. Have it locked if you cannot restrain yourself.

The Eiffel Tower is great and all, but it’s not officially a vacation unless there’s a beach and an umbrella drink.


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