Throughout your youth, dirt was a badge of honor. Baths were for sissies, and filth belonged under the fingernails. The battle’s not over yet, people. Today’s kids mean war. Only this time, you’re on the opposing side, trying to keep things clean. So brace yourself with SquidSoap, an ingenious invention meant to encourage incorrigible kids everywhere to wash their hands properly. When a grubby palm presses down on the pump, soap comes out, and a tiny orange ink mark is placed on the skin. Because it takes an average of fifteen to twenty seconds of scrubbing for it to disappear, kids will automatically spend the doctor-recommended amount of time under the faucet. After a few successful tries, you’ll have single-handedly stopped an age-old conflict for generations to come. And for that, you deserve your own badge of honor. Available online at squidsoap.com.