December 18, 2006

Shredded Bliss

Shredder Hand

Corrupt Politician (slamming down phone): Gladys! They’re launching a congressional investigation into my campaign fund usage. Put on your panties and rev up the shredder!

Gladys (fixing hair): Um, that thing broke last week.

Freeze frame. Announcer enters.

Announcer: Sound familiar? Every day, thousands of innocent-until-proven-guilty Americans are disappointed by faulty shredders. The next time you need to eliminate a paper trail, use the always-reliable Shredder Hand instead. A multiple-blade, scissors-like tool, it shreds documents the old-fashioned way — by hand. So when the local police, Kenneth Starr, or any other nosy bastard makes his way to your door, you can rest easy in your ability to destroy the evidence.

Unfreeze frame. Announcer exits.

Corrupt Politician (shredding happily): Thank heaven for the Shredder Hand!

Gladys (making eyes): I’ve never felt closer to you.

They kiss. Fade out.

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