Mary, Mary, quite contrary. How does your garden grow?

Like crap, actually. To date, your balcony consists of one bird of paradise lost, one forget-me-always, and one sorry bogus-villea.

Get those silver bells and cockleshells in shape with a visit from Miss Jayne the Lady Gardener.

Describing herself as an “old-fashioned gardener” who uses the “English approach” — a more personal and gentrified method of landscaping — Jayne Rhodes provides free garden consultations and design services for both indoor and outdoor spaces, maintains the finished product, and works with budgets small and large.

She’ll also keep an eye out for details homeowners often overlook (like tree roots invading a swimming pool), steer you away from poor aesthetic decisions (that fern so doesn’t go with those petunias), and deliver flowers and plants on a regular basis or for special occasions.

Think of her as your greenery’s personal assistant.

After all, someone’s got to keep those marigolds all in a row.

Miss Jayne the Lady Gardener (305-720 8328 or jayne@myelitegarden.com).