He may wish he were Joe Millionaire, but this is the real world. Gift the fellas in your life according to the reality show on which they’d be cast.

Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style
Mr. Rogers gave men’s cardigans a bad rap. A confident man can make it work in NSF or Vince without looking like Gramps. Pair it with a super-cool vintage belt from Lo-Fi to ensure he keeps it in his pants. One of Ashley Ashoff’s chic pocket squares will make him stand out when he’s suited up.

Top Chef
He knows his way around the kitchen and loves to cook. Bless him with swanky William Henry knives. Make his life easier and breakfast delicious with an omelet pan. Or give him what every guy wants: a fourteen-inch salami.

The Amazing Race
If you can manage to get your hands on one, Mr. Traveling Pants will love Burton’s Sleeper hoodie, with built-in inflatable neck pillow, light shield, and earplugs. The Flat-D clothing carrier removes odors like stripper perfume and cigarette smoke from garments, ensuring what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Go all grizzly on the face, but down there — keep it clean, dude. Every man should own a trimmer for his special place.

The Apprentice
He brings home the bacon, so he should look the part in gorgeous custom shirts (down to the button thread color) and carry a sleek Japanese briefcase. For maximum efficiency, he should get the best sleep possible with a Sleeptracker.

Making the Band
The Numark iPod mixing console allows him to play two songs from his library at once, as well as scratch, cue, and loop, so he can show off his mad skills. Brand new game Rock Band on PS3 and Xbox takes Guitar Hero to the next level with the addition of drums. Go ahead and form a band (couples who play together stay together).

The Bachelor
He’s fratty — loves barbecue. He’s fratty — down with a luge. He’s fratty — uses a bong. He’s fratty — and he plays beer pong. He’s fratty.

Any of these gifts guarantee he won’t request a wife swap.