Van Morrison wrote the song “Brown Eyed Girl” as an endearing ode to a former love. And while some will always argue that brown eyes are classic, others are looking for a change. It has come to our attention that it is no longer acceptable for your bunghole to be, well, brown. (Yeah, we said bunghole.) And South Beach Skin Solutions has developed a lightening gel that is safe for that sensitive area (no, we have not tried it). The natural product claims to give your poopshooter “a fresher, more youthful look” by making it blend in with your natural skin tone. (Seriously?) Here’s how it works: The gentle formula first exfoliates then naturally depigments and whitens the backdoor by reducing the activity of tyrosinase (an enzyme responsible for darkening) in the skin. They claim you’ll see results in just a few weeks, or else you get your money back. Consider it your ace in the hole. Available online at southbeachskinsolutions.com.