Operator: 911. What’s the emergency?

You: Help! Teddy asked me out for Friday, but he wants to meet at the restaurant not pick me up. Do I go? Should I offer to pay?

Click. Dial tone.

You: Uh, hello?

For someone who won’t leave you hanging, try Dr. Pat Allen, the marriage and family therapist/bona fide relationship guru.

Believing what we do determines what we get — and what we get ourselves into, Allen offers one-on-ones, plus two $10 open seminars each week where you submit questions (“Is this a date? Or just two friends having dinner?,” “Dress or jeans?”) and she answers in her blunt and often hilarious way.

Or dial in on a need-to-know basis: Sessions typically last fifteen to 30 minutes, and there’s an emergency number for immediate direction should you need to call her from the bathroom. Or his bedroom.

Love is on the line.

Dr. Pat Allen (800-496-3983 or drpatallen.com).