Zippity Doo Dah

As Sir Isaac Newton, DD cups, and bankers have learned, what goes up must come down.

But if you can’t beat gravity, you can at least control it with the ZipHolder, an ingenious little device out to rid the world of open flies.

The process is simple: slip the double-looped band through the pull tag on your zipper, suck in, zip up, and slide one loop around your button. It’s practically invisible to the naked eye (and any creeper staring at your crotch) but ensures you’ll never again have to XYZPDQ.

Just think: no more casually swiping your hand southward after leaving the loo. Or sitting down post-presentation to discover a gaping hole at your hoo-ha.

And putting a stop once and for all to any legends of the fall.

Available online at zipholder.com.