Hi, __________ (name of co-worker)!

I’m so sorry I showed you my __________ (body part) at the holiday party. Don’t worry, it’s not like I have __________ (nonfatal disease). You seemed really __________ (emotion) about it, and I wanted to explain. I had intended on wearing my __________ (name of clothing designer) dress to the party, but after pigging out on chocolate-covered __________ (snack food) at Thanksgiving, I couldn’t fit into it.

So I borrowed an outfit from my fat friend __________ (name of friend). Who knew it would fall off? And sure, I drank lots of those __________ (descriptive word) martinis, but I wasn’t that drunk. It’s just that when __________ (’80s song) plays and I do my impersonation of a __________ (inanimate object], I go into the zone. So when I yelled “__________ (verb) now!,” I wasn’t really even talking to you.

I hope you understand.

Yours,
__________ (your name)

P.S. About what I said in the bathroom, I don’t even feel that strongly about __________ (political issue).