Myth No. 1: Pregnancy lasts nine months.
Who did this math? Forty weeks equals ten months. Forget everything you think you know. We’re here to set you straight.

Myth No. 2: It will come naturally.
If you’ve never changed a diaper, how are you supposed to pick a changing table? Turn to the Giggle Guide to Baby Gear, a brand-agnostic bible for must-haves. The Perfect Baby Handbook is a satirical look at raising kids and the perfect antidote to your anxiety (since heavy drinking is out). Take comfort in the anecdotes of Today’s Moms. Hearing someone else say “Me, too” can be invaluable.

Myth No. 3: You’ll love flaunting those new curves.
Your tatas are so big they could smother a small child. For tasteful and flattering, check out LAmade’s new maternity tees and dresses. Pay next to nothing for designer threads at InStyleBelly, a new online maternity consignment shop. And for classic basics that will last, shop Egg by Susan Lazar’s new maternity collection.

Myth No. 4: You’ll want to do it more.
Correct — if by “do it” you mean “plan and organize.” Create an invite-only blog on Wee Web before baby’s arrival and use it to let your mom keep track of your blossoming belly. Thanks for the blanket; what we really needed was lasagna. Organize a free meal registry on MealBaby and have friends sign up for dinner duty. You picked the birth announcement but can’t imagine having time to address the things. RedStamp.com does the deed and even mails them.

So you can focus on other things, like learning to change a diaper.

Oh, baby. Check out our local guides for more ideas.

DEAL
Save on Belly Bandit
What: Through April 19, get 20 percent off the abdominal compression garment that whips your postbaby tummy into prebaby shape (plus supports your back and legs).
Why: It ain’t sexy, but neither is a muffin top.
Where: Online at bellybandit.com. Enter DC0309 at checkout.

RECLAIM
Your Breasts
What: Mama Mio’s new Bootcamp for Boobs promises to perk up your sag in 30 days.
Why: Breastfeeding has left you deflated.
Where: Online at mamamio.com.

PACK
Babytime Bags
What: A prepacked hospital bag full of necessities like socks, breast pads, toothpaste, and just about anything you might forget.
Why: Moms are always prepared.
Where: Online at babytimebags.com.