You thought you were over Cabo and wet T-shirt contests at Señor Frog’s. (That was so 2008.)
But now, because of media hype (short for “hysteria”) and a limited understanding of geography (Cabo didn’t have a single case of swine flu), you can get a sweet deal on the high end of the Baja peninsula, where there’s not a whistle-blowing tequila-pourer in sight.
Ham It Up
The Marquis Los Cabos has a 15,000-square-foot spa that overlooks the ocean, an open-air lobby with mountain views, and 28 casitas with private, roof-deck or terrace pools (in case you still want to flaunt your ta-tas). Before checking out, stop at the low-key Vista Ballenas resto for excelente huevos rancheros. What’s that? Twenty percent off the entire hotel bill? Muy excelente.
Book the posh Las Ventanas al Paraíso and use your $200 resort credit at the award-winning restaurant, where dishes like holly leaf-wrapped red snapper favor locally grown ingredients, including herbs picked from the on-site garden. The food is tasty and so is the French chef, Fabrice Guisset — ask for a private cooking demo. At the holistic spa, crystal singing bowls relax mind and body.
Animal Farm Don’t let crashing waves distract you from the mountains. Get a little dirty on an hour-long horseback ride through the desert. No old whinnies here: Family-run Cuadra San Francisco offers beautiful, well-trained horses. Work up to a gallop on the way up, but slow down as you head back or miss the breathtaking views.
Go Hog Wild
Cabo Adventures offers the usual — dolphin kissing, canopy tours — but try America’s Cup Sailing to compete against another group of seamen on the legit Team New Zealand NZL 81 and NZL 82 racing yachts. Get a workout grinding the sails up and down or just enjoy the scenery — by which we mean the fine mix of Aussies and Kiwis manning the boat.
Get into the swing of things at the One & Only Palmilla resort. On top of two free nights with a seven-night stay, the luxe hotel will throw in complimentary golf on its quality course. Also above par: the restaurants. Eat Mediterranean under a palapa roof at Agua or Euro-Asian at Jean-Georges Vongerichten’s Market.
After bouncing on a horse and bracing yourself on a boat, you’ll need a rubdown. Where better than Esperanza? The impressive spa is an outdoor canopy of flowers, steam rooms, plunge pools, and private treatment rooms. A thorough massage will loosen you up cheek to cheek (as in, ass to face). Take full advantage as a hotel guest: Get a free night when you book four.
And don’t worry. There’s no way you’ll get boared.
Cabo solo? No way, Jose. Invite your amigos along for the fun.