Command deck of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

Kirk: That run-in with the Klingons had me shvitzing.

Spock: True, Captain. Your perspiration has reached critical levels of malodorousness.

Scotty: Try SweatBlock, sir, an ancient product from 2009. Dab it on and you won’t sweat for a week — even in these polyester uniforms.

Sulu: Honey, don’t get me started. It’s, like, the future, and we still can’t invent a nontacky fiber that breathes.

Kirk: Bones, is it possible to halt perspiration for so long?

McCoy: Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor, not an anatomist.

Kirk: But … aren’t those kind of the same thing?

McCoy: Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a semantics professor.

Awkward silence.

Scotty: Sir, it was invented by a Harvard Medical School lad. Worth a try.

Kirk: You can say that again.

Spock: Yet to do so would be illogical.

Available online at sweatblock.com.