Since you gave birth, everyone from your mom to your third cousin twice removed has offered her parenting advice.

But none is so poignant — or humorous — as that in local author Walker Lamond’s new book, Rules for My Unborn Son. His tongue-in-cheek life tips speak to kids and parents alike.

Some pearls of wisdom: Don’t jog shirtless; if you are tempted to wear a cowboy hat, resist; eat lunch with the new kid; you don’t get to choose your own nickname; and make time for your mother on your birthday. Lamond rounds things out with quotes from greats, must-listen playlists, and vintage photos.

It’s a great gift for new dads.

Tell one and all.

Available online at amazon.com or at your local bookstore.

SEE
The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
What: Ichabod Crane and the Headless Horseman come to life for a young audience as part of the entertainment series Saturday Morning at the National.
Why: Start your day with a scare.
When: Sat., 9:30 & 11 a.m.
Where: The National Theatre, Helen Hayes Gallery, 1321 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, b/t 13th & 14th Sts. (202-783-3372).

EXPLORE
Ships at Sea
What: Tour the Sargent and the Sea exhibit then create a like-minded charcoal and pastel drawing.
Why: It’s smooth sailing.
When: Sat., 10:30 a.m.-noon.
Where: Corcoran Gallery of Art, 500 17th St. NW, at New York Ave. Info at 202-639-1770. Register online at corcoran.org.

CAVORT
Tavern Toddlers
What: Enjoy open playtime and crafts at a historic site.
Why: There’s fun on tap.
When: Mon., 10:30 a.m.-noon.
Where: Gadsby’s Tavern Museum, 134 N. Royal St., Alexandria (703-838-4242).

Photo: Courtesy of St. Martin’s Press