Chat Be Nimble, Chat Be Quick

bad jokes!

In the event of a New Year’s Eve party emergency, please employ any of the following conversation starters.

You’re cornered by your boss’s tipsy mother-in-law:
This is so much better than last New Year’s when I was in the hospital.

You’ve accidentally doused yourself and an innocent bystander with punch:
You’re not going to blog about this are you?

You’ve inadvertently initiated a staring contest with the host’s childhood neighbor:
There are fewer than 100 one-syllable words that have no rhyme. Can you name any?

You can’t bring yourself to utter, ”Where did you go to school?”:
So what are you doing to get on Oprah?

You’re standing across from Mr. Right/Mr. Right Now:
I’ve regretted enough this year. Can I get your number?

You’ve transitioned from introductions to awkward thumb-twiddling:
Did you know ’90s R&B artist Ginuwine’s real name is Elgin Baylor Lumpkin? What’s your rap alias?

Your date is ignoring you by messing around on his phone:
You’re trending really well on Twitter right now.

You’d like to give your number to someone and/or you’ve actually lost your cell:
I can’t seem to find my phone. Can you call me?

You’re surrounded by gamers/LARPers:
What’s your position on being buried alive?

Your friend introduces you to a surprisingly hot (and foreign) environmental conservationalist:
See, 2011 is already looking up.

Photo: dpstyles™ / Flickr