The forecast calls for a bright, sunshiney day. Finally.

But as you settle into your office chair, you sense a dark cloud drawing close. And then bam! — your boss drops a pound of papers onto your desk, spilling latte ...

Some things refuse to die.

Depeche Mode is back on your iPod. Your winter belly has settled in for its annual visit. Even your ex has made an encore appearance to battle the going-to-die-alone Valentine’s Day spirit.

Take a cue ...

The Scene: the final round of the Springfield Middle School spelling bee. Silence and tension blanket the auditorium.

Principal Whipple: Now, Jessica. For the title. Your final word: “mxyplyzyk.”

Jessica: What the — uh, can you repeat the word?

Principal: ...

As Hello Kitty and every Pomeranian puppy on the planet have amply demonstrated, cuteness never goes out of style.

It seems, however, to be having a particularly strong moment now.

So, in keeping with the times, we present Alena Hennessy, ...

Once upon a time, there was this thing called “self-restraint.”

Oh, we know it sounds outlandish. But really. People ate reasonable amounts and didn’t complain when served something smaller than their own heads.

Those wanting to recapture the glorious joys ...

Thou art so prickly. And unreachable,
O mini-cactus, unpettable pet.
Thou art, nonetheless, unimpeachable.
Our interspecies love will endure yet!
To water, I just dip thy tush in eau
But once a month — ah, were all creatures such.
And when ...

We all have our fears. Agoraphobia (crowds), arachnophobia (spiders), arachibutyrophobia (the fear that peanut butter will stick to the roof of your mouth). But only the coulrophobics among us think that clowns are the earth’s most terrifying creatures.

If only ...