If the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom, you must be on the path to unprecedented enlightenment.

You’ve been known to throw back a drink or two. Or seven. Nothing wrong with that. If it weren’t for the hangovers, you’d have no regrets.

Eliminate all remorse by drinking extract from the prickly-pear-cactus fruit, which, according to inside sources, battles that nasty morning-after crash. In recent studies of hard-partying subjects, the majority of drinkers experienced a significant decrease in symptoms of the common (or, in your case, very common) hangover, including nausea, dry mouth, and loss of appetite.

The best way to get your fix? Hangover Prevention Formula (HPF), which purports to prevent hangovers in the first place. Most impressively, a single pill maintains its effect for three whole days.

Now drinking can be even more fun.

Even when it’s not very wise.

Available online at perfectequation.net.