Because it’s a) Friday and b) August, DailyCandy is taking you on a trip. Welcome to the first of our summer Friday travel guides.

Damp church halls. Haggis. Beer. Belly laughs and belly aches.

Aye, it’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival time again.

Heading up to bonny Scotland to see some of the best (and worst) talent in the world? Choice venues are the Pleasance Courtyard (0131 556 6550) and the Smirnoff Underbelly (0870 745 3083). Don’t queue for tickets at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe office (0131 226 0000) — buy them directly. It will leave you more time to eat and drink.

For lunch there’s a fish and chippie on every corner, or get a healthier tattie at The Baked Potato Shop, Cockburn Street (0131 225 7572). You’ll have a wait, but the plethora of over-enthusiastic performers prancing around the Royal Mile will keep you entertained. Have a right royal cream tea at The Balmoral, Princes Street (0131 556 2414) but save room for dinner; Tower Restaurant, Chambers Street (0131 225 3003), and Cafe Marlayne, Thistle Street (0131 226 2230), do a fine Angus  steak and frites. Or get a home-made chocolate and banana or haggis pizza at Mamma’s on The Grassmarket (0131 225 6464).

You’ll want beer. It’s essential to visit The Famous Spiegeltent (0131 555 6966), a Victorian burlesque-style beer garden. Book early for La Clique, a live cabaret show that’ll have your eyes on stalks (the act involving a woman, a red handkerchief and a G-string must be seen to be believed). For a classier beverage, head to Harvey Nichols’ new bar, St. Andrew Square (0131 524 8388) and snap up a little Lanvin or Prada in between cocktails for your entrance at The Hallion, Picardy Place (0131 523 1523), the city’s grooviest member’s club.

You’ll need sleep. Check in to The Witchery, the Royal Mile (0131 225 5613), and go on a murder mystery tour before bed.  Prestonfield, Priestfield Road (0131 225 7800), has a helipad for those arriving by, well, heli. The Glasshouse, 2 Greenside Place (0131 525 8200), is for those who mix business with pleasure.

And, after all of that, remember: no matter how many pints you’ve downed or pies you’ve scoffed or truly awful comedians (or not) you’ve endured, the show must go on.

Even if no one’s watching it.